If We Had Never Met

Just a few weeks ago life was so different. I was a mommy. And called upon by the most beautiful children, probably a hundred times per day. And then it was gone. The dream I desired since I was a little girl - being a mom and having a houseful of kiddos.
And now I am left with a breaking heart that was so very full not so long ago.
With days that still hold so much to accomplish, but definitely do not seem as meaningful. Investing. I miss it. Investing in their little lives as theirs entwined more and more into mine each day.
And now, in the midst of heartache and pain, I think, "What if we had never met?"
I would have missed knowing your beautiful expressive eyes. Your first time to roll over, pull yourself up, take a step, push a cart. All of which I remember so vividly. Your first sentences. Your hugs. Your sweet kisses on my cheek. Your head nuzzled into my neck. Your great belly laugh. Your pouty lip. Your strong hugs. Your strong temper. Your great (& many) questions. Your intelligence. Your beauty. Your handsomeness. Your love of stories. Your love for Christ. Your love for me. My great love for you.
I would never have experienced so much incredible life and love and laughter. And now so much grief.
But I would have lost so much more if we had never met. I love you and I always will. And because of you my heart will never be the same.