How Did We Arrive Here?

So, we will soon be married eight years. And we have been fostering for about 20 weeks. Wow! How much life as changed! Often it is truly being a parent. And other times you are reminded that not only are these not our children, but they will most likely be in our care only for a time. It is often difficult to separate.
I think about the times that God should have wanted me to be his foster child, rather than His own. And I think of how I cannot imagine loving children who would have come from my womb any differently than I love the ones whose diapers I change, noses I wipe, sighs I savor, hugs and kisses designed just for me from the tiniest arms and lips.
And then there are the times I realize how absolutely inadequately unprepared and unqualified for this role I am. After all I grew up with a mother who did not know how to love me and instead showed mostly hate towards me. Who would teach me to care for children? Train me to be a parent?
I have only my Lord, my God and the loving advise of wise godly women who have years and varieties of their own unique mothering experiences.
I can only practice, practice, practice, and pray that the Lord will use everything in these little lives for His good. That any damage I may do, out of my life experiences, my lack of knowledge or understanding, lack of sleep or patience, will be mended by Abba Father who loves these Dear Ones way beyond what they will ever know.
And I pray that the Lord will continue to weave our family as only He has designed and seal all of our hearts for Heaven.
For surely I must be royalty. After all, I am a Daughter of the Most High King who loves me as His own, with no exceptions.
Glory to God!